E - Everyone

Haiku Collection (under work)

by Lord Anzius
  • April 17, 2013
  • Poetry
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This is under work
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When the wheels of time wreck havoc upon my young but aging mind, I oft wonder what lies ahead. Words do come to me as if from the air, but I think and rethink, because later none of them sound good enough. So I seek perfection where none is needed.

The words on mine paper,
Ingenious fire scorches my core,
None of them survive.

I fight and I struggle with studies of not necessarily wonders, but of the unknown. I would not bother. But! the world waits for no man nor woman nor anything in between. So I read and struggle.

Wisdom of heavens
only echoes linger behind
Why do you not heed me now?

This one I might wishper with the last of my breath.

Life soars above us,
like birds spirits do soar up.
Life! pain me no more.

In life we need to be optimistic and love and live... for that is life.

The sun bathes in love,
the tree gives shade to all below
The wonder is in us
Comments & reviews · 2
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Siobhanoshea
Review
Siobhanoshea wrote a review · Fri May 17, 2013 7:04 pm

In the second to last one, my only criticism would be to find a new word for soar. I think the repetition of "life" is purposeful, but "soar" doesn't.
I'd recommend spring, surge, sail, glide, or shoot up. Or, you could ditch the up as well and say something like ascend, hover, etc.
I can't find criticisms I thin worth making in the others though

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mightaswellbuyacat
Review
mightaswellbuyacat wrote a review · Sun Apr 28, 2013 5:26 pm

I am impressed by this haiku collection, they are tough to write! Well for me anyway, so I applaud you. In addition to that complexity this is a beautiful piece that really delves into the wonders of life. The only thing I would say about this is that your punctuation in some spots is strange. Maybe go through it a second time for that (this one site owl at perdue is a great grammar source). Other than that nice work!
Happy Writing!



Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.
— Helen Keller